Doors & Keys

The world‘s surrounded by doors. My world, specifically speaking, and it was all closed doors. Most of the time, at least for me, it feels safe. But the others are different. Some people walk around with only windows, all closed, but with very thin glasses, of course with no door at all, conspicuously speaking. Another man I saw was with a door. Yes, a door. Just. One. Door. No window, maybe with ventilation but, well, do I really need to care about that. How handy, you think, but maybe a little inconvenient, because the door is pretty small for the guy, from what I remember. Won’t allow two people to go in and out at the same time, they’ll have to wait. One day I also found a little boy with one small door, but the key is left outside. Poor clumsy little boy. Oh, I remember saw a girl once with doors, but all were opened -- not even real doors, they were mosquito net doors -- and it arranged horizontally! What a nightmare. Or maybe I saw her on Halloween, that’ll make sense.

Back to mine. I was safe. I felt safe. What would you expect from closed doors, really. Whether in day or night, rain or shine, my doors was always closed, all of it. Nothing goes in, nothing goes out. I held my keys like 24/7. Sounds safe, right? I never had any intention to open them, not even once. I like myself for that. I feel comfortable. Then, I saw men, overflows with powerful universal knowledge, walk around searching for an open door to share their knowledge. Guess what, I intrigued. I opened a door, the one close to the back of my head. I received their knowledge, and some of the men, the most powerful ones with their master key. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. The more knowledge I received, the more curious I was. One door wasn’t enough, I thought. So I opened more doors for it because why not. I wanted to be a smart human being, just like them, or once I thought. It was all great, smooth, until one time, I realized something. That knowledge changed me. I started to feel deficient. “I’ve opened too many doors,” I thought. So, I narrowed it down, and eventually, it was in control again. But, it wasn’t feel good.  I didn’t feel safe at all. I felt uncomfortable. I changed. Again.

You know, changes are difficult, and for such a young age, I experience changes quite often, and it kills. Really. If you’re going through a change now, hang in there dude, you got this.

Okay, doors. The deficient feeling from earlier made me realized that I had to improve myself. I wanted to be like other people, or even more. Greed blinded me. I envied so many people. People my age had grown a lot faster. Even younger people were better than me. Then I felt sorry for myself. I started to blame other people for my lacks. Until one time, I felt useless. I closed all my doors, my windows, everything. I locked myself. I hid my keys. People were knocking, peeking through my windows. I didn't answer to any of it for a quite long time. My parents have the master key to all my doors, but I changed it all, and they didn't know. For a long period of time, I felt like I live alone in this world. Eventually, I'm tired. Sigh.

One day, a small girl came to my front door, knocking quite loud for a long time. I tried to ignore her, but, really, who likes hearing knocks for a long time, right? At last, I opened my door. She went in, slowly, but with firm steps. She knew what she wanted, and she shared it with me. She told me to open view doors, along with a window for me to peek the world from inside. She told me her vision, and she asked me if I'd like to share mine. She helped me a lot to find trust in other people. She taught me how to knock other people's door. She taught me how to make keys. She told me to give the new master key to my parents and a couple of close friends. She told me to open my door to other people too. Slowly, of course. I didn't know why, but somehow, I trust her. Since that day, I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I let other people go in and out of my life comfortably. Sometimes it feels good, others I wanna dump myself in a trashcan for letting it happen. But howsoever, I feel a lot better.